I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
