She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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