last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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