I'm gonna have a badass scar
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
