I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
