i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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