You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
