just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
