Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
