Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think I died a long time ago.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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