Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
