I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
