OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
