"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
