stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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