I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
