OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
