So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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