I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
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He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
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Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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