At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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