So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i think my tv is drunk
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
