My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
