Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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