he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
