i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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