I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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