and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
