There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
