I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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