Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
