Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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