If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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