I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I love having hate sex.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
