It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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