Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
