Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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