We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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