I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
