these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
