oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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