I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
