Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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