Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Actions speak louder than pants.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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