Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
