and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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