he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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