"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
