He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
