I met the friendliest cop last night
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
