So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
40s are totally the cure
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...