the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.