i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
