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What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I cut my penus on the lid.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?