i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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