Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
