Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
