How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
