I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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