Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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