so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
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