my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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