He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
