i think i have two assholes
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
