So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
