you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
