She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
