Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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