I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
