I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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