YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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