i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i've created a new STD.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
