waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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