I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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