Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
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I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
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He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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