it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
