Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
