I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
