i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
not ubering you a puppy
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
