hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
