FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
