Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
