you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
