During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
