I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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