The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
