I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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