I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
