I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
