I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
