Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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